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The Party

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back.

Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air.

She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"

The bum replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

Old Man

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?"

"It's 50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law degree so badly before you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer..."

The Old Fools

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares ... Now what do we tell them for Christmas?

Need a Heart?

A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object. "I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It's $500,000."

"Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!"

"Yes, but it's from a lawyer. It's never been used."

The Pay Check

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Smart Alec

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $5 each," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $5 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $3. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."



The well-dressed man entered our bank wanting to buy five silver dollars, which he would give as gifts.

“How much for them?” he asked, when I handed him the coins.

“That will be five dollars,” I said.

Handing them back, he said, “Forget it. That’s too much.”

------

I was leaning over the shoulder of one of one of my students, helping her with some math problems, when I noticed the pencil sew was writing with. It had the Ten Commandments listed on it.

“I like your pencil very much,” I told her.

“Yeah, I like it too,” she said. “That’s why I stole it from my brother.”

------

Recently, our 19-year-old daughter started hunting for her first real job. She spent an afternoon filling out application forms, leaving them on the kitchen table to finish later. As I walked by, a section of the application on top jumped out at me. Under “Previous Employment” she wrote, “Baby Sitting.” In answer to “Reason for Leaving,” she replied, “Parents came home.”

------

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

------

Upon arrival at Gatwick Airport, near London, I got in the foreign visitors line. My husband, an English citizen, headed for British Customs. I handed the officer my passport. “Purpose of trip?” he asked.

“Pleasure,” I replied. “I’m on my honeymoon.”

“Interesting,” the officer said stamping a page. “Most women bring their husbands with them.”

below joke is from http://www.kaitaia.com/jokes/Religious%20Jokes/Religious_Jokes24.htm

Rabbi And Priest Car Accident

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.

The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

More jokes to come-especially Simpson special

My 1st video online

I just created a video. It includes the song Agnimayan Maar which is a devotional song. I just recorded it at home , so it is in bad quality. You may see it on Youtube or below.

I am Famous

Source: MagMyPic.com

Cool Image

So you want to make a logo, text into a pic? Well that was exactly that i was searching for as well thats when i got across these sites. Have a look:

A good site for making logos or button. Take a look at the following.

How about this one??
from here




I'll follow up with may more later

Rains arrive in Mumbai

The rains have begun in Mumbai, and has at last given respite to the millions who used to work in the sweltering heat in the last few months.
However the beginning of rains has brought out the blind promises made by the municipality, as there was flooding in some parts of the city already, even though it was a light shower yesterday.
While the rains have begun it has also spelt disaster for me, as i have already been affected by it.
Happy rainy days, but beware of floods.

Dream gone through

Well so i was making this other blog with so much hope when google just shunted my dream out

So i was just making this blog which is based on a gangsta theme. So i needed a gangster template and ultimately (meaning the almost 4hrs. i spend searching it) when i downloaded it, and tried to do the change HTML way of changing the template it gave an error. I tried at least ten times but again blogger gave me an error with a code to report it. I'm sure thay will resolve the issue by tomorrow but it was bad to shunt my dream.Weep weep.

By the way i'll give out the address by tomorrow.

Vacations-programmed

I'm going to this classes for computer lessons. I have opted for a batch called programming module. Yup they teach me to programme there. It includes C++, Java, Visual Basic and something else as well.
So at the beginning they began to teach us C++. Of the bore that it was. But it was enjoyable in patches. I've tried to do some research on my own on this language but the very first line in each and every tutorial, video, text, image anything you name it is-'C++ is an object oriented programming'. That very line puts me in light slumber (He!!He!!).
I don't deny the fact that i have sat in the class sometimes, not even understanding a single bit what the ma'am is explaining. And at last i have finished the course on C++
Well all the pundits of programming may be cross at what i have written here, but i guess that is the truth, at least for me.
Well it is a programming language, so i have made two programmes up till now. One is a quiz called KBC and the other is a sort of bank ATM software. All at the basic level, but enjoyable, just the same. I will put a lengthier version of KBC soon. You can download the present version below
Download:
KBC
ATM

Have a laugh

Well i was just browsing through the net when i came across some of these jokes from a site. Read them and have a laugh:

"Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention:

80,000 blondes are gathered for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "18!" Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then, 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "90?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened. The blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "OK! OK! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "4?". Throughout the stadium, pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream ... Give her another chance! Give her another chance!

Funny answering machine messages:

1)"Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished."

2)Roses are red, violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you The roses have wilted, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head The roses stink, sorta like sheep But leave your name, number, and message after the beep The roses are molding, the violets are rotten And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten

3)A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message. and the best one:

4)Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.


Regards to


for these good jokes. These jokes were not meant to hurt anyone in any way. Take it in the spirit yaar.Visit it here.